For couples, a move can be a stressful, but also a deeply rewarding life event. Where you live could impact everything from your overall happiness and professional success to whether you’ll have extra money for nights out or an annual family vacation. It’s a big deal, and one deserving of a conversation that should take place months—or even years—before you decide to start house hunting.
Here’s a rundown of some factors to consider—and how to avoid any setbacks that can come up along the way.
1
Envision Your Future
When you begin to think about moving, carefully consider your and your partner’s interests, and whether your new location meets these needs or desires.
For example, ask yourself if it means a lot to live in the heart of downtown and be within walking distance to local restaurants and farmers markets, or whether a home farther away with a large backyard where you can host friends and family is more important.
Also evaluate your professional goals and be sure they align with your moving plans. If avoiding a 45-minute commute, for example, is important to your partner, you’ll want to appreciate his or her request and work within that parameter so there aren’t any regrets down the road. Also, consider the local job market in the event you change employers or explore a new professional opportunity in the future.
Also take note of your future family plans, such as whether you’ll be having children or whether you’ll be responsible for caring for an aging parent.
“Consider if kids are in the near future and how you envision that future,” says Megan Little, a licensed professional counselor and owner of Arkansas-based Reframe Your Story Counseling & Consulting. “Are grandparents babysitting frequently or do they just visit for the holidays?”
2
Say What You Mean
It’s important to be open and honest with your partner—and with yourself—when communicating your moving plans.
“Make your feelings, point of view and needs clear,” Little says. “If you notice yourself avoiding conflict and being the peacekeeper for your partner’s happiness, keep in mind this dynamic isn’t sustainable for your own wellbeing and needs being met.”
If necessary, take a break from the conversation and revisit it once you’ve aligned with your true feelings and needs. Come back to the discussion when you are ready to relay those to your partner.
3
Get Realistic on Budget
It can be easy to get swept away by beautiful homes that cost more than you can afford, so carefully consider your budget and stick to it.
“Consider if your dream home leaves room in your budget for the yearly vacation or other extras you enjoy,” Little says. Also, be sure you have an emergency fund to cover expenses for an extended period of time in the event that there’s a lapse in employment, or other unexpected circumstance arises.
If you’re stretching your finances too thin, this could become a big source of conflict. Remember there are unexpected expenses with homeownership—such as roof repair—as well as opportunities to improve the home you buy over time. If you loved the house with the pool but can’t swing it right now, make it a personal goal to save up for a backyard oasis in the home you settled on.
4
Explore Potential Surroundings
Whether you’re considering a hidden gem of a town or a major move across the country, consider the research process as an opportunity for some adventure and exploration.
“Get curious about your new location and treat it as if you’re exploring a new vacation spot,” Little says. “The more we let ourselves get overwhelmed by the process of adjusting to a new environment, the more we can close ourselves off from new experiences like enjoying and exploring a new community.”
5
Prepare for Your Move
Keep in mind that a move is a major life change, and it’s normal to feel anxious, doubtful and even lonely throughout the adjustment process.
One of the best ways to prepare for loneliness when moving is to look for ways to get involved in your new community. Seek out opportunities to join a book or running club or volunteer for a group within your community.
Intentionally preparing for your move will decrease moments of doubt and worry. “Get acclimated with those activities you love to do now,” Little says. “Finding those activities in the new location is key.”
Remember that you and your partner are in this together. “Continue to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about any doubts and worries that may emerge for either of you,” Little says. “Lean on each other in these moments of doubt.”
Moving can be a major transition, but it can also be a very exciting and rewarding process. With some careful planning and open communication, moving can become another stepping stone on the journey toward your future dreams.
The bottom line: The people sharing a house are ultimately the ones to make that house become a home. Enjoy the process and envision the future you imagine—and then take steps to make that your new reality for you and your partner.
Renee Morad is a freelance writer who has been published in the New York Times, Business Insider, OZY, NPR, SmartMoney, TheStreet.com, Yahoo Finance, Scientific American and Realtor.com, among others.
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