If you spend at least part of your day caring for an aging parent, you’re not alone. In fact, you’re likely to find more of your friends and neighbors shouldering the same responsibility.
The number of Americans providing unpaid eldercare—taking care of someone aged 65 or older who needs help due to an age-related condition—is expanding. In 2011–2012, 39.6 million people provided unpaid eldercare, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. By 2015–2016, that number had grown to 41.3 million, and today it stands at 51 million.
Women make up more than half—56.4%—of eldercare givers. And on the days they provide eldercare, women devote almost three hours to it, which leaves many feeling both tired and stressed.
The burden isn’t just an emotional one; it’s also financial. Women caregivers miss out on an average of $324,000 in wages and Social Security benefits, according to one AARP study. And caregivers—both women and men—spent nearly $7,000 a year out-of-pocket on expenses, according to another AARP study. All of this adds up to a growing strain, especially for women, and raises questions about how to help reduce the emotional and financial stress of caring for older relatives. Here are some tips to make it a little easier.
1
Explore Public Programs
Your elderly loved one is probably eligible for Medicare and may also be eligible for Medicaid or Veterans Affairs benefits. Some states also offer programs that help pay for eldercare.
Navigating the different options can feel daunting, because each program has specific eligibility requirements and rules about what it will and won’t cover. In addition, these requirements and rules can change from time to time, too, as legislation changes. The easiest way to start looking is to find out more about the different options. Explore the website of the Administration on Aging, which also offers information about long-term care insurance.
2
Don’t Forget About Your Employee Benefits
Your employer may offer access to financial planners who can help you find ways to pay for eldercare. Some employers give employees the option to buy long-term care insurance for their parents, which could help lower the cost of care. You may also be able to use funds from a dependent care flexible spending account to pay for some eldercare expenses. Ask your benefits administrator about what programs your employer offers and how to access them.
3
Consider Other Financing Options
Annuities, trusts, reverse mortgages and some life insurance policies are all possible ways to help pay for eldercare. Whether one of these options is right for you—and if so, which one is best—depends on a wide variety of factors. To understand the pros and cons of each so you can make the best decision, you may want to consult a financial adviser or lawyer. In the meantime, you can learn more about the many options on the website for the National Institute on Aging.
4
Learn the Signs of Emotional Stress
Prolonged stress damages your health and takes away from your ability to provide the care your loved one needs. Signs of caregiver stress include:
● Feeling overwhelmed, worried, exhausted or sad
● Too much or too little sleep
● Physical symptoms, such as headaches or other pain
● Feeling irritated or losing interest in your favorite activities
5
Be Realistic
Caregiver burnout has many causes, but unrealistic expectations is one of the biggest. Sometimes, caregivers believe they’ll be able to improve their loved one’s condition even when that’s impossible, because the condition is progressive. Other times, caregivers set unrealistic expectations for themselves and take on more than they can handle. Accepting the reality of your parent’s prognosis, as well as your own limitations, helps you avoid denial and smooths the path to effective action.
6
Assemble Resources
You might be surprised at the number of resources available to help you with eldercare. Taking advantage of assistance gives you more time to relax, exercise, socialize and do everything else you need to take care of yourself.
For example, the federal government has a Senior Companions program full of volunteers aged 55 and over who help elderly people with daily tasks. The program’s website lists participating organizations around the country. Select your state and county and then look for results with “Senior Companions” in the description.
Another option is Meals on Wheels. The organization does more than deliver food to seniors: It also provides social interaction and, in some places, serves group meals at senior centers and other locations to feed elderly people, while keeping them in touch with friends and neighbors.
7
Enlist Your Kids
Depending on their age and maturity level, children can help. Some may be able to help directly with eldercare. A responsible teenager could spend time after school with a grandparent who is recovering from a broken hip. Younger children might be best suited to help indirectly by, for example, taking on age-appropriate household chores, which could free up some of your precious time.
Elizabeth Whalen is a freelance writer based in Seattle. She loves writing about business, financial services and sustainability.