When her daughter was in first grade, Susan Beacham, CEO and co-founder of Money Savvy Generation, volunteered to teach the kids in her child’s classroom about money. “A father comes up to me with his daughter, and he has his hand on her head,” says Beacham. “He said to me, ‘I’m glad you’re doing this, because this one here has no clue about money.’”
For Beacham, who had worked in finance for nearly 20 years before shifting to writing books and creating other products that educate kids about money, the moment took her aback. Whose responsibility was it, if not the father’s, to teach his daughter about money? “Was this how this dad felt about his daughter?” asks Beacham. “Was that fair? And did it happen because of culture? Society? Gender bias?” Although the origins of the slight were unknowable, the effect was all too evident. “Think of the self-esteem hit she took,” says Beacham. “The very powerful self-esteem hit.”
We may think of gender bias as a relic of the past, but that young girl is now a 20-something woman. What financial realities has she grown up to see? The pay gap. The investment gap. The lack of confidence women often feel about money. The relationship between the genders and money is stark and persistent—and it may start as early as first grade.
Consider the subtle cultural belief that if you’re a man, being a good spouse or partner is often taken to mean being a good financial provider. Yet that factor is considered to be less important for women. Also consider the evidence that parents—likely well-meaning parents—talk to their sons more often about money than their daughters. And that parents talk to their sons and daughters differently about money—teaching girls fiscal restraint while showing boys how to build wealth.
But just because gender bias is subtle, constantly shifting and hard to pin down, that doesn’t mean our response to it has to be. As Beacham points out, boys and girls both need financial literacy. “Our children—male or female—are vulnerable if we don’t teach them the basics of money,” she says.
Here are her tips on how to combat gender blind spots and teach all kids what they need to know about money.
Treat Financial Literacy as an Essential Life Skill
As we raise our kids, says Beacham, we give them a basic social skill set: Share; use your indoor voice; don’t bite; wash your hands before you eat. “There’s a skill set for money as well,” she says. “Start teaching children basic money education at the earliest point possible. Demonstrate goal setting, living within your means, paying yourself first. If you start young, you can build on that foundation.”
“It’s no different for boys than for girls,” says Beacham. “Both will need that skill set to succeed. We’re not in the 1950s or 1960s.”
Make Time for Money Talks
Recognizing the value of financial education is the first step in prioritizing it. “I don’t think we’re having enough dialogue with any of our kids, boys or girls, when it comes to money,” says Beacham. “The reason is that most kids are plugged in, and parents are just trying to keep their heads above water. They don’t have the time or opportunity to talk about money.”
If your kids are asking questions about money, have an honest conversation with them about it. But don’t wait for them to bring up financial issues—it’s your responsibility to set aside the time to educate them.
Educate Yourself
If you’re not teaching your kids about money because you don’t feel confident in your own financial skills, you’re certainly not alone. “Most adults who are in a position to provide financial education don’t know how,” says Beacham. “They don’t feel comfortable with their own money history, and they don’t want to make a mistake in front of their kids. They don’t want to have a conversation; they want to hand it off.” But now is the time to put away the shame, pick up a book, do some online research and learn along with your kids. “Our children understand and trust us when we’re truthful and honest,” says Beacham.
Admit Your Errors
Showing yourself as a fallible human being may even help money conversations. “If we present ourselves as someone who always knows everything, we’re setting such a high bar,” says Beacham. “Then your kid goes off and builds up a credit card balance and is afraid to bring it back home and talk to you about it.”
Instead, talk to your kids when you mess up. “I tell my kids about my money mistakes all the time,” says Beacham. If they have a problem, she says, offer to fix it together.
Pay for Chores Based on Performance
The pay gap, it seems, begins at home: The one concrete place Beacham has seen a gender issue is with chores. Parents may pay boys for more chores they perceive to be more difficult—namely, ones that require physical labor and strength. If your son is outside mowing the lawn for $10 while your daughter gets $5 for doing a chore that’s just as involved but less physical, you’re setting up an inherent imbalance. Instead of putting the value on strength, Beacham says, “pay based on the quality and consistency of the performance.”
Squash the Outmoded Idea of the “Provider”
The idea of one breadwinner—traditionally male—who takes care of spouse and family is inherently problematic. People remain single. They divorce. Partners die.
Working in financial management for nearly two decades, Beacham says she saw a lot of women left out of the money discussion. They were brought to the table only when a spouse had died. “These women were suddenly required not only to take care of their previous responsibilities, like the kids and the family home, but also something new—the finances,” says Beacham. “As a woman, that would make me anxious for them. It didn’t seem fair.”
Girls as well as boys need to be able to face their financial futures independently. “As equipped as you made your daughter to ride a bicycle and drive a car, wouldn’t you want her to have that power financially? Wouldn’t you want her to be empowered?” Beacham says.
Money, after all, is something that every child will need to handle in the future, regardless of gender—and you can equip them to do it. “This is a subject—and a conversation—that parents need to get right,” says Beacham.
Julie Anne Russell is a Brooklyn-based freelance journalist. She writes on personal finance, small business, travel and more.